dear journal... Dec 27 - Jan 30

I finally moved up to the Fifth floor
still adjusting to the tiring ladder
I would have to hop about 300 steps up
just to get to my unit.

Mom got to a flight for the southern city
during the time I was transferring
she had to accompany my grandma and
our Evil Aunt from Europe ..
another close relative of ours died.

just last weekend was spent with friends
night swimming in some private pool
a place called Pansol Laguna..
Too much for Me and Mia's secret world.

By the time I got home,
a guy was playing a guitar and sitting
on my bench straight outside my door.
Just discovered my next-door neighbor
to be a musician for a band,
just like me before.
to my surprise, we did also share
the same influences and tastes of artists
which he never had with his bandmates
so we drank the whole night playing
Smashing Pumpkins and old Duncan Sheik songs
hope Fab was here...

I like my job
when most of my officemates are sick of it
some even have quiet talks of resigning
and moving to another office with a higher pay
I'm probably the most dedicated person
in my department as far as I am aware..
but still do keep a very low profile..
avoiding attention..

even when commended by customers calling in
personally requesting a supervisor
I still refused and told them nobody was still around..
when most people are dying for these sorts of things
to get them promoted ... would be quite a break
But i know myself better...
and have my own standards for judging myself..
helping out people who don't know shit,
is already rewarding enough..

I go to the office every day..
acting just like another average employee
saying hi and hello to this and that,
without my officemates not even knowing
On the other side, my life is fancy for me..
they just know me as their regular officemate,
I guess ... that's all they need to know ...
i won't even know if some officemates of mine
knew I had these Multiply logs...
well i guess ill just keep it that way..



Just before the break of the year
I called almost all of my friends,
just to greet them and check if they were ok.
They were.. I think..

I finally had a talk with Ross,
that for most of the time her phone's off
I'm really happy for her.
for discovering the joys of
of being in a relationship.
Go, Ross...


it has also been a long time
I haven't had a talk with Grace
ever since I left the Condo Unit
we used to live in along with 3 others.
And I wonder what happened to Christine
after the FHM offered to pose half-naked
I guess she got rich that's why she left us.
Me and Grace managing the bills for our apartment
was an outpour. With us Out being Poor.

i remember the time when all of us went
to Tagaytay just to breeze from our daily
stressful jobs.
going out in the country and melting ourselves
with scenic views and horseback riding at night.
that was a hell of a time...
though we had to work in different workplaces
and schedules, we still managed to put up
house parties even with the stiffest budget.
I miss living with Grace, hope she's Ok.

Sharing a nicely furnished pad with 3 girls
having to have your own room as the girls were
sharing the big one, was fun ..
it was not until Ron moved in that I had
somebody to drink along with...

most of the time in the old pad
I would sit alone on a small ladder and watch
the window across the blinds
drinking and listening to tunes like this.
Ron would sometimes wake up to go to the bathroom
at dead midnight and catches me at those moments
and he would sometimes ask who I was waiting for..
I would just smile.. coz I really don't know..

who or what but I feel it...

I'm sometimes bothered by my purpose ..

or is it just an echo from the far recesses

of my mind...

i really don't know but i have an idea..

someday could always wait...


Someday ...

dear journal... Oct 23 - Dec 27

well, again as expected ...
i celebrated christmas at the office
it has been along time since
i slugged a log in this haywired journal.
just too damn busy from these endless days
at work..pleasing our capitalist employers


just a few months from now
figuring out things would certainly change
i know it will, very much
basing on my tried and tested
mathematically-based theories that only
arrogant self-proclaimed wannabees
would contest and end up chewing thier
own worthles pride.. pride hahahahaha


Too much for the real big
apartment space i'm occupying
paying around US$180 a month is a pain
considering im staying alone..
talking to the building administrator
lucky for me there is vacancy over
the 5th floor which cost much less.
considering the room is much smaller

there is just no need for staying in
hell big space when most of the time you
just aint there..
but rather friends who manage to stay in and
party with themselves the whole week long
in my absence...
there was even a time when i got home
that i dont anymore recognize the people
who were sleeping on the floor..


life is a matter of perspective,
which i came short with by the way..
living with the wrong people is a mistake
dealing with wrong friends is a mess..

moving to a different city or apartment maybe?
would be a diffinite strike at destiny again.
time can always wait...
as what physicists say it slows down 14 seconds
every century .. or is it just the way
we are counting on it to slow down.. hahaha

the new year comes again
wondering what resolution i would have this time?
i thought, stop smoking ?
let's see... what`rr benefits anyway..hmm
health ? money ?
let's say a pack of smoke cost around US$1.00
i would have around US$365.25 in dec next year,
thats already a desktop computer running 512MB
ill think about it.. hahahahhaha

having so-called new year resolutions
is phlasing ... another word i invented.
people`s philosophies change overnight.
no matter how stiff they are..
sometimes life is like riding a bus
and you`ll never know who`ll sit beside
you on the next stop..
like choosing the red pill and
not exactly know why you did and
what`ll happen next..
remember the box of chocolates?

So the next time someone tells you,
or somehow gave you the impression
they are principled and will stick with
thier principles whatever...
watch them .
they are just trying to impress you
coz they already are with themselves
hahahahha!!!

remember,
Imagination is more powerful than Knowledge.
and that if Aiza is better than MAtet,
Sex is better than Christmas (just kidding)heheh

So good luck to those who are always on the move.

and Happy holidays , Merry Christmas and
Happy New Year to everyone...

coz i never get to celebrate mine..


anyway its not my Birthday.. just greeting..


Feliz Navidad y Feliz Año Nuevo !

dear journal... Oct 10 - Oct 23

Superman died last 2 sundays ago
the only superhero who had to disguise
himself to be just like us..ordinary
which most of us is likely not
convinced to be... anyway ..

a friend once asked what super power
i would choose to have, if given..
i replied, what if i chose one that
i dont wanna have...
would you still ask.. said yes
i replied.. foresight.
i`ve always considered it a curse..
coz.. it`ll give you either advantage..
and missed what the opposite
may have offered..
both ways .. drawbacks jack on.

it may even send you afloat thinking
of the muliple possibilities..
and resolve not to do anything about it.
but nothing beats conscience..
especially when it involves the
most powerful universal feeling.
this tool, be it a gift or a curse
will always go hand in hand with karma
or as i call it balance...
my true religion..

i spent most of the time
in the apartment sleeping
and leave just in time for work
my laundry is already looking like a hill
what dwarfs may call as a home...
visitors spend more time at the apartment
than i do ...
with my brother now staying around
proxy entertainer...

eating lunch and dinner someplace
and somewhere everyday..
sitting and standing .. whatever
jollibee makes good meat pies.
cant wait for Taco Bell to open


Working for the World`s
number one Computer Corporation
is like mayonaise on ice cream.
your eating it but still figuring out
why it tasted that way....
i couldnt even imagine anymore
how i ended up with this job

went to college and took up
courses too far from what im doin now
figuring out computer architecture
and sorting out sasser...
with credentials for medical arts
and political history..
not even having a valid computer degree
the only expertise i could claim
would probably the MS-DOS and Lotus wiz
that i think i am... applications
already considered to be obsolete.
being one of the 60,000 employees?
just pure luck maybe..

from a company that ships out
100,000 computers a day to end users
with 10 % chance of something may
have gone wrong in the manufacturing.

no point of doin the math..
when you damn know human error
never came as a blessing...

Debra Stunton was amusing
her perspective was quite Unamerican
after the meeting i asked her
a question i know she would never answer
the way i wanted it heard..
to hell with company policy.
as long as youre`doin your job right.

a long way from texas....

last Christmas and New year
i spent it in the office
i lost in the lot drawing..

i spent it watching firecrackers
blew up from the building window
staring at the window view
with Kentucky fried Chicken plate
on my hand which i didnt eat...

i dont even have a lovelife anymore
like most people do..
more of derranged social life..
accompanied with strange friends
and unpredictable circumstances..

but ya... there is this girl.

years have passed since i last saw her
i didnt have much news about her nemore
maybe i just dont wanna know anymore
or do i ?
i could spend eternity deciding
and end up spending everyday.... .. a day